When I was a young woman, my eagerness to please extended to my children. I hated saying “no” and more often than not, I said “yes” to the things they asked for. I’ve always wondered why I was more of a “yes” mom than the typical “no” mom, and I came to the conclusion that like a lot of things in my life. The question a child asks is like a multiple choice test.

Now I’m hyperactive having scored 100% on the DSM 4 test. I’m not attention deficit because I think attention deficit is just a lot of sloth and bad habits. I don’t even put hyperactivity and attention deficit in the same rowboat. But that’s another story.

For the typical hyperactive thinking, a multiple choice test is deadly. You read the question. You read the choices for answers, and the speed of your mind makes every one of the answers correct by changing this or that, problem solved in lightening speed and then you can’t remember which is right and which is wrong. Give me an essay any time.

So when a child asks, “Can I…” your mind actually creates a multiple choice answer. You think of all the variables of the question, the probable outcomes, the emotional play, the learning aspects, the clean up and the “yes” “no” becomes very complicated. The answer “yes” always seemed to be a “do” answer rather than a “don’t do” answer, and when you want your children to experience “yes” more than “no”…well you get the picture. I bought futons so more children could spend the night…

I tried to rarely say “no” with my own children, and today with my little students, I try to say “no” as little as possible. Children should learn from doing.

This theory about doing is a marvelous theory, and very helpful in the discipline area. If children are constantly busy with doing, then they are less likely to be caught being disobedient or rude or getting into trouble because their energies are well spent. It’s a very good rule of thumb.

“No” should really be saved for absolute nots like rudeness, aggression, and destructive behaviors. The more mannered a child is, the more he gets to do. I will trust a well behaved child in the pet room long before I will trust one of dubious respect. It’s a package deal.

One thing I’ve noticed is that many parents say no to “doing” but not to behavior issues. When this is the case, the whole world becomes a giant “NO” because poorly behaved children can’t be trusted to do without issues.

When parents are afraid of saying “no” to a child who is misbehaving, the child spends most of his time in tears, tantrums, whining, pay backs – and these all ensue from a child whose parents fear him. When children are in the driver’s seats of their parents lives, it’s a dangerous place. Driving lines are not for children. Children have enough to manage without taking the parents’ roles.

Telling a child “no” should be short and sweet, and if a tantrum or tears pour forth, parents should stick to their guns and not be deterred from being parents. It’s the job of parents to run things not to be run.m Tears, tantrums and attempted pay-backs will not break a child.

Walking away from tears and tantrums is the best way to handle them. You will never convince him or her, so give up right away and slip into that bigger than you are role, or the “I said so” role.

The child, after all, is looking to get his way, and giving in will only make getting his way a possibility. Don’t let that happen. Will the child break or dissolve or have permanent damage if he can’t have or do what he wants? What we find at school is that children who are told “no” and they are on a regular basis, find something else to occupy them in moments. It’s a plea that’s fleeting.

One of the best discipline tactics is to never ever ever break a promise. A promise to a child is as binding as an oath. They will remember all the promises broken and remember them all their lives even on your death bed. So when a child asks, and you say yes, yes better be the outcome or you’re a welsher.

Saying yes makes everyone feel great. It’s a real boost to the person – the brain, the emotions, the mood, the scope. Yes is a wonderful gig. So in the future the goal is: say no to rude, nasty, destructive behaviors, and that will make saying yes to doing a lot easier all the way around.

Good morning! Today begins the first day of play weeks. We will be focusing on learning lines, making decorations, wearing costumes and making backdrops. It’s a fun time, and children should learn to step out of self a little and become somebody else for a little while. It’s a great way to introduce an illusive fine art to little ones.

Learning lines is a parent and me activity. The younger children will have fewer lines – probably two or three. The older children will be responsible for learning many more. It is important that parents help their child with the entire scene. By learning their own lines only, they will not know when it is their turn to speak. So when you practice, you need to read the other children’s lines and then instruct your child when to say his.

Your child will receive a costume courtesy of Mrs. St. Louis.

The play will be Friday, November 20 promptly at 3:00.

This week on Friday, we will be going to the Lollipop Concert in the morning. We will leave for the concert at 9:30. Your child will need to wear BOTH his green shirt and his red school hoodie. Please do not send children in shoes other than athletic shoes. There are many steps at the concert, and we don’t want anyone to fall. The cost for the field trip is $10.00.

Have a great week!

Lots of parents ask, “What WAS that you served on name a day? My child just loved it.” Generally, I love giving out recipes but it’s hard for me because I rarely measure anything, and I’m just not sure what I put into it that particular day. I wrote a novel called Pork Chops and the main character had this same problem. It is a very funny book and available at Amazon, and the character is as variable in the kitchen as I am.

The whole idea around cooking is to have the ingredients on hand and be really familiar with them and not to be daunted with experimentation. One of the things that has been asked for is our school cheese sauce. The story behind the cheese sauce is a funny one. I used the best ingredients for years to make cheese sauce, and it always tasted like soap. The more cheddar cheese I put into it, the worse it got. Never willing to give up on anything, I finally found out – don’t use cheddar – use American. Swiss or mozzarella will be stringy.

When you make any kind of a sauce, be it a plain sauce for casseroles, toppings, a gravy like substance or the goo to latch everything together, always start with butter in pan deep enough to boil. Be generous. Melt the butter and add enough flour to make a nice paste. You don’t have to measure…you can see it happen in front of you. Now cook that for a minute. Then, add your milk. You can add soy, rice, or regular cow’s milk. You can even use half and half or cream. The amounts are about half a stick of butter and 1/2 a cup of flour to two cups of milk. Now as the milk is warming, add a tablespoon of chicken bouillon and stir. Then add your cheese – American please. At least two pieces for everyone eating. Two cups of milk means about eight slices. When the mix begins to boil, take it off the heat and add a cup of sour cream.

Breaking this down into smaller portions, use 1/4 stick butter, 1/4 cup flour, 1 cup milk, 4 slices of cheese and 1/2 cup of sour cream.

A good substitute is: saute onions and mushrooms in the butter then add the flour and 1/2 cup of white wine. Then milk or cream, then Parmesan cheese. A little tomato something will turn it pink.

Cheese sauce will last a week in the fridge. You can use it on lots of things: potatoes, rice, noodles, eggs and as an addition to meat. A cheese sauce made plain with blue cheese makes a great beef sauce. Cheese sauce glues anything together in a casserole dish. Reduce the milk, and it becomes a layer in a casserole. Poured, it’s great on fish, chicken, and pork. For pork, add a little horseradish. Sometimes I put a cheese sauce into a pitcher so people can help themselves. My daughter, Anne, likes to put in carrots, potatoes and chicken pieces already cooked, and add a stunning crust and bake as a pot pie.

This Saturday, I bought 1/2 pound of fresh large shrimp and 1/2 pound of fresh cod fish. I used half the fish and cubed the cod fish and cut the shrimp into the same size pieces as the cod. I made a sauce with red wine and Parmesan cheese and a little salsa. When the sauce was bubbling, I put in the fish and shrimp and let it sit about three minutes and served it over whole grain angel hair pasta.

The next round with the rest of the shrimp and cod will be made into a tomato thing. The fish cost about $4.00 per night. A little pricer than I usually go, but it fed three.

Lots to do with cheese sauce and the variations. Enjoy.

Friday was a special day. The children all came in in costume. They were adorable. Each child was so proud of his costume, and they shared and shared who they were and how much they liked dressing up. We had a new breakfast of homemade donuts dipped in glaze and sprinkles, and then we decided since the rain was holding off, that we would go visit the elderly.

Miss Sandy picked us up about 9:30 and we loaded on the bus wearing our costumes. It was really a very nice day for this because although it was looking like impending rain, the air was a nice temperature.

We went to where Miss Amy’s husband works, Oak Grove, and we sang and sang. The residents clapped for the children and the children were very kind and went to visit the residents. I was particularly proud of Austin and Elayna. Each of these children introduced themselves and shook hands with the older people. Elayna actually put the elderly hands into hers, closed hers sweetly around them and talked very kindly to these elderly people.

Then we jumped on board the bus again and went up to a special place in Boonville. This is where my mother spent her last days. The home is small and private and the people are wonderful. As the children sang, Miss Leigh leaned over to me and reminded me of a project she wants to do with the children – pen pals – now that they are writing and learning to spell. She mentioned that instead of trying to get another school interested, we need to fill a need at the nursing home and have the older children write to a resident who can write back, and have the younger children draw pictures for those too in-firmed to respond. A brilliant suggestion.

When we arrived back at school, Miss Judy quickly made chicken noodle soup, and the response was, “Can we have this again?” The answer is “Of course!” We had open face cheesewitches, and fruit.

Children went to sit with their attending adults and then at 3:00 we all sang again. Then it was treat-ville. The treats were wonderful, and delicious. Thank you all for coming and for bringing such delicious treats.