When I was a child…about four years old…my brother and I decided that we needed some new friends. We had just moved into our new house on the island, and the next logical step to four and five year old children was to find kids to play with. We marched down Eucalyptus Road to Golden Gate Avenue. The first house we came to produced friends. A nice girl named Barbara for Tad, and a nice girl named Cathy for me. These childhood friends have lasted fifty-seven years. Cathy was my maid of honor even though I moved sixteen times before I was married. If I picked up the phone right now, I could talk to her for an hour. Our lives have taken different roads, but the friendship remains intact.

Making friends in childhood is an important part of the whole early childhood experience.  We find that children who come from big families, who go places to play and who are allowed to speak to other children have a wonderful advantage. They learn very early what attracts other people, and they learn quickly how to engage others so that friendships abound.

Friendships are an important part of growing up and growing old. Children learn early that friends add to life as no other thing can, especially when they come in all sizes, shapes, ages and colors. What children demonstrate to adults is that most people can be a friend even if it is for a short few hours while we play at the park. Children are rarely biased about differences. Someone who is engaging about play will have no trouble making or keeping friends. It’s the keeping of friends that is the hard part because our lives change and grow and take on other friendships that carry us away.

One of the things we notice is the style of friend making. Boys tend to play in a group…everybody plays…they don’t usually pair off. A hoard of boys will descend on an activity and as the activity moves, so moves the hoard. Girls, however, have a best friend. It might change every day, every hour, every play period, but you will rarely find a girl who isn’t playing with her best friend right now!

As someone who moved every six months or so as a child, my friendships developed quickly. I was always the “new kid,” so I had to barge in and quickly form a lifetime of memories. And as a result, I savored those early friendships. I knew that the friendships had no roots and would most likely be a momentary part of my life, and then they would be gone.With no relatives in my life that filled that family void, I tended to make friendships quickly, and I tried furiously to save the best of them over the years. And that’s not easy. People’s lives move forward, and they don’t necessarily take you with them. Children finish in one school and move onto another. Sometimes friendships are pulled apart forever with a brief memory from time to time about someone they once really liked. But sometimes they do last, and that’s what we want for our kids at the Garden School.

I remember a group of five girls at the Garden School a few years back who were various and sundry best friends through the week…they all moved to different schools, but they all still keep in touch and that’s important. And it’s important that their parents are friends as well, and that’s even harder. It takes spending time at school.

That’s one of the reasons for all the parties at school. Unfortunately, most or our parent guests bring their own friends and family, and the conversation stays in the family. I have thought many times to limit the activities and parties to one family member. This would force parents to talk to one another and hopefully strike up friendships. I can’t tell you how many times parents have created “best friends” from a chance meeting at a Garden School party!

What we hope for our beautiful children is that they make life long friendships at the Garden School. That the never ending story of friendship will start with the basic elements of friendship: caring, trust, independence and joy. When someone is filled with joy and willing to offer that smile, that affection, that hope, and there is a mutual exchange of trust and care and a respect for one another’s independence, friendships will flourish. They can’t miss.